Can I just say....

That I've been really happy lately. Really, truly just enjoying life. And, well, that kinda scares the crap outta me.

I know that we SHOULD be happy and feel joyful and all of that. I know that. However, part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, ya know? Part of me. The other part of me, the part of me I am choosing to listen to is saying:

Just stop. Enjoy this moment. Enjoy this time with your husband and your son. And your friends, your wonderful friends. Be thankful. Let your heart feel joy. Love your family. Love your marriage. Love it all.

The old me would have really been scared right now. The old me would've probably been jeoprodizing my happiness by choosing to be unhappy about little things - letting those little things grow into big things.

Why the change?

Well, there are a couple of reasons. 1). My husband. He is a wonderful man who has taught me that we should have happiness in our lives. The bad stuff is always going to be there, and it will find us. We shouldn't look for it. 2). I'm a parent of an adopted child. Even saying that sentence in my head sounds really weird to me, because I just don't think of him as adopted. He's just mine! When you adopt, there is uncertainty... birth parents can and do change their minds. However, you're not going to keep yourself from being happy at the birth of your child just because there's a possibility that you may not take that child into your arms as your own. No, you fall in love with them from the minute they are born, and I'm convinced they are yours at that very moment. So, even if you don't know if it's all going to work out or that none of the bad stuff will happen, you are happy in that moment and all you can do is love that child. 3). My faith has taught me that no matter what it is, I can survive it. I never imagined I'd miscarry a child. That has been the hardest thing I've been through. However, from that sorrow came great joy... And, I don't regret for a minute being ecstatic when we found out we were pregnant and sharing our joy with loved ones. Even if it ended badly and the shoe did drop, I was happy at that moment.

So, yes, I'm happy. I'm so very happy with my life, my family, my job, my home.

And, it feels good.