been wanting to do this for a while.

I saw this somewhere, can't remember where, but you list songs that remind you of moments/seasons in your life. So, I thought I'd give it a try:



Vacation: Freebird (Lynyrd Skynyrd) - Dad played this on every car trip we took. We begged him to play it. This was also the Father/Daughter dance at my wedding.



1st Boyfriend: The Dance (Garth Brooks) - Even though you never know how things are going to turn out, it's always better to love than to not. Even though your heart may be broken, it makes you who you are.



Childhood: Walk Like an Egyptian (The Bangles) - I knew every single word to this album and I thought Susanna Huff was the coolest person ever.



Greg: When You Love Someone (Bryan Adams) - This was the song we danced to at our wedding. The first time I heard it, I knew it was perfect for us.



When I'm Sad: Held (Natalie Grant) - When I need to grieve, or when I need to remember that I'm not alone. Christians can be set apart, not because they are exempt from pain, but because they have accepted the arms that are holding them while they're going through it.



College: Stuck in the Middle w/You (Stealer's Wheel) - I just remember listening to this while we'd have little drinking get togethers.



Adoption: Into the Mystic (Van Morrison) - If you've seen the movie Immediate Family (one of my favorites) you'll know what I'm talking about.



Parents: Remember When (Alan Jackson) - Mom calls this "their song". I cry every time I hear it. I almost can't stand listening to it b/c it makes me cry.



Greg's Parents: Can't Help Falling in Love (Elvis) - This is their song. I can picture/hear Gary singing it now.



Karaoke: Summer Nights (Grease Soundtrack) - Me & Poke... All I have to say!



High School Job: You Oughta Know (Alanis Morrisette) - I knew (and still know!) all the words to this album. No, I'm not a man-hater!! :)



That's all I can think of right now... This was fun!

Sometimes you feel like a...

Jerk. That's kinda how I feel tonight. I got short with Greg because Gabe didn't take a nap. For some reason, that's the hardest thing for me to deal with - I can handle the tantrums and Gabe hitting and us giving him timeouts, but when he doesn't take a nap, it seems like late afternoons and early evenings are just extremely frustrating.

I know it wasn't Greg's fault. I know I complained about not having time to get things ready for the Momma Getaway I have coming up. I know I complained about never having free time. Sometimes, dang it, I'm just a baby. Ugh.

So, I'm sorry Greg. Sorry for feeling sorry for myself and for bein' a jerk. I love you. Hope you'll always know that.

Kary

This has left me speechless and mourning. It has also given me hope. Someday, we will see her again. I know that God is faithful and good. He is holding my girl until I can.

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2009/01/mourning-and-dancing.html

Can I just say....

That I've been really happy lately. Really, truly just enjoying life. And, well, that kinda scares the crap outta me.

I know that we SHOULD be happy and feel joyful and all of that. I know that. However, part of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop, ya know? Part of me. The other part of me, the part of me I am choosing to listen to is saying:

Just stop. Enjoy this moment. Enjoy this time with your husband and your son. And your friends, your wonderful friends. Be thankful. Let your heart feel joy. Love your family. Love your marriage. Love it all.

The old me would have really been scared right now. The old me would've probably been jeoprodizing my happiness by choosing to be unhappy about little things - letting those little things grow into big things.

Why the change?

Well, there are a couple of reasons. 1). My husband. He is a wonderful man who has taught me that we should have happiness in our lives. The bad stuff is always going to be there, and it will find us. We shouldn't look for it. 2). I'm a parent of an adopted child. Even saying that sentence in my head sounds really weird to me, because I just don't think of him as adopted. He's just mine! When you adopt, there is uncertainty... birth parents can and do change their minds. However, you're not going to keep yourself from being happy at the birth of your child just because there's a possibility that you may not take that child into your arms as your own. No, you fall in love with them from the minute they are born, and I'm convinced they are yours at that very moment. So, even if you don't know if it's all going to work out or that none of the bad stuff will happen, you are happy in that moment and all you can do is love that child. 3). My faith has taught me that no matter what it is, I can survive it. I never imagined I'd miscarry a child. That has been the hardest thing I've been through. However, from that sorrow came great joy... And, I don't regret for a minute being ecstatic when we found out we were pregnant and sharing our joy with loved ones. Even if it ended badly and the shoe did drop, I was happy at that moment.

So, yes, I'm happy. I'm so very happy with my life, my family, my job, my home.

And, it feels good.

How I feel at Christmastime

• I Wish: More adoptive parents would consider open adoptions.
• I Love: When my son sees me walk into a room and says, "HI Mommy!"
• I Long: For the day when I have more self-confidence about who I am as a person and not just what people see on the outside.
• I Hurt: For people who don't think they need relationships. I've been around a few people like this in my life and it's so sad that they shut everyone out. They are missing out on so many wonderful things.
• I Imagine: What our house will look like when the work we want to do is complete. I'll probably be imagining that for a long time!
• I Wonder: How anyone can knit! So many people have tried to teach me and I swear... I'm hopeless.
• I Pray: That Gabe will dedicate his life to Christ someday. That he will know the joy of becoming a Christian and that he will experience the love that only Christ can give.
• I Sing: So many Christmas songs in the car, but right now my favorite ones are Rose of Bethlehem and Silent Night by Selah. Oh, and Oh Holy Night by Selah. Ok... so pretty much the entire Selah Christmas CD. If you've never heard of them, check them out - they are my favorite group of all time.
• I Hope: I can become a mom again some day. I would love for Gabe to have a sibling.
• I Hate: Feeling selfconscious.
• I Talk: About my son a lot. I hope I don't annoy people.
• I Hear: Quiet right now. Nothing but the sound of the keyboard and my party mix crunching while I enjoy some baby nap time.
• I Smell: Garlic. This smell will always remind me of my husband.
• I Miss: That feeling of innocence from when I was a child. When I didn't know about all of the junk going on in the world. A time when I thought most people were good and genuine.
• I Misbehave: In having an occasional cigarette. My husband is kinda restrictive on this one, so I do savor it when he's cool about it.
• I Envy: Other photographers. I know I'm learning... I just wish I could speed up the process a bit!
• I Fear: Giving my heart 100% to people. I am always skeptical for a while because I'm afraid of being hurt. I'm working on that.
• I Need: To lose some weight. I will feel so much better about myself, physically & mentally.

So, that's how I'm feeling this Christmas! I saw this idea on another blog I frequent and it inspired me to write too! You should try it!

Bob & Tom

I met Drew Hastings last night! We went with Steve & Tami to see the Bob & Tom Allstars Comedy Tour. We had so much fun!! I know this picture isn't very good quality, but it was taken with a cell phone. No big deal - I met Drew Hastings! He was really nice. Want to know something else? Chick has a really wimpy handshake. Sorry, just had to say that.

We had a great time with Steve & Tami (as always). We ate at Bernardi's (I had the coconut shrimp - amazing) and then we headed to the show. We couldn't believe how many grandmas and grandpas were there watching all these guys make crude jokes and use potty mouths! It was quite fun to watch some guy in his 70's get picked on by Bob Zany.

Gabe stayed the night at Abba & PawPaw's, so we got to sleep in a bit today. It was quite nice! This afternoon, Tami is keeping Gabe for a few hours so Greg and I can try and get some Christmas shopping done.

Thanks for the double-date night, honey! I'm so glad we could celebrate your birthday with such a fun evening.

It's Beginning to Look a lot like Christmas!

Just wanted to share my two favorite photos from the Lyonses photo session yesterday. What a wonderful family - their friendship has been such a blessing to my family. You can see more of them here.

Picture Post!

So, here are some pictures to go with the previous post!

We saw this on our walk the first night we were there... California! This was in the Disney park area.

The Disney park was lined with these awesome trees... I only wish my picture could do it justice! Notice the fireworks in the background! We were able to see those the first night we were there. It was pretty cool.

The Hollywood sign!

And, just because it is SUPER cool in Black & White!

Rodeo Drive! Didn't buy anything... The stores didn't have anything for me!

The palm trees...ahhh...

Ok, so I'm all about famous signs...

The name of President Reagan and the First Lady's boat was TruLuv.

Greg and retired Air Force One. Retired in 2001.

Still looks like it's ready for takeoff.

A piece of the Berlin wall.

The amazing view from the Reagan Presidential Library. No wonder it was their favorite place to be.

Pictureless Post

SO, Greg and I are in CALIFORNIA! It's been a really great trip. Today, we went to Rodeo Drive or as Greg called it "RoDEEo Doctor"... I only heard that about 100 times... :) After Rodeo Drive, we drove around looking for the Hollywood sign, all the while quoting lines from Pretty Woman... "Welcome to Hollywood. What's your dream?" or "Reg. Bev. Wil." or "Rodeo Drive, Baby".

After the Hollywood & Beverly Hills stuff, we went to visit the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. It was amazing. Completely humbling. I cried listening to the commentary about "Ronnie" and Nancy's love for each other. It was real. He was real. They led such an amazing life. We got to see the desk set on his desk in the Oval Office, many famous selections from the former First Lady's wardrobe, campaign memoribilia, and we even were able to go through the retired Air Force One. It was just incredible to see some pieces from history... our history. Ronald Reagan was president while I was a child. I wish I would've been older at the time so I could have followed his presidential career. We even saw a piece of the Berlin Wall today. It was amazing.

I'm so glad that Greg and I share an appreciation for history. We were both in awe today. I think we both teared up at points, just overwhelmed from it all. What an amazing life. What an amazing couple.

After we got back from our tourist adventures, Greg had to go to the conference/training he's here for. I got to take a nice nap, and then we went to an appetizer party where we met some of the salesmen and other "geeky" guys here. It was pretty fun. I think Greg was proud of me because I held my own with the guys. :)

I make Greg laugh because when we travel, I act like such a tourist. I will ask questions and not be shy. I'll make a fool of myself if I want to see something, get an autograph, etc... I don't care. I wasn't going to come to California and not at least ASK where the Hollywood sign was. I had no idea if it was 30 miles away or 200 miles away. I just wanted to know if it was possible to see it. Once I found out we were close, it was my mission to find it. (I did the same thing in Vegas with the "Welcome to Las Vegas, Nevada" sign). But, because I wasn't afraid of looking like a "tourist", we got to see those famous things! I am so glad that I asked about Rodeo Drive and the sign today.

Well, tomorrow, I'm taking it easy while Greg's in the conference & training all day. Then tomorrow night we're attending a Pirates of the Carribean dinner the company is throwing. It should be fun. I brought my camera (duh!) but I don't have a way of taking the pictures off the card until I get home.

The ONLY sucky thing? We sure miss our little Gabers. We know he's safe and sound and probably having an awesome time himself, but we sure miss him.

So, Greg, in case I forget to tell you later, I had a great trip with you.

Thoughts on Photographing my 1st Wedding:

• Thankful I wore comfortable shoes.
• I was tired... dog tired when we got home.
• SO thankful to have a second shooter.
• I need a new camera - that will hold an SD card.
• 2 CF cards were not near enough.
• It stinks trying to delete pictures just to make more room.
• Be QUICK
• Be flexible - never know what's going to happen!
• Don't panic when all of the curtains are shut (when you were told they'd be open)
• Be glad it was a beautiful day!
• Eat at the reception
• BRING WATER
• Take as many photos as you can
• Don't panic.

Overall, it went very well. Between me & Grant, we got all of the shots we wanted. I don't know how/if people shoot weddings by themselves. I'm working on the processing now and I'm finding that a lot of mine are grainy. One of the problems was the lighting during the ceremony. The closest thing I can think of, is it reminded me of the lighting in a gymnasium... yeah really difficult! However, we did get a lot of good shots and I'm already having fun processing them.

Oh, yeah, I was asked to do another wedding! Um, I'll be thinking about that... It's a lot of work, but it is GREAT experience.